Today I witnessed a young-ish couple having late lunch (or early dinner) at a restaurant. They were just one table over from me. And the young male, a "cool" type, was on his cell. And he talked and talked. Apparently, his "bro" was on the other line. The young woman, also a "cool" type, just sat there, eating her lunch-dinner.
I was waiting for my meal and I ate chips. I got a refill on my iced tea. My dinner came and their waiter presented their bill. She put down a card.
So, to sum up: He sat there being incredibly rude and she picked up the tab. And I thought, "This is why I don't have a boyfriend, number 942."
Now, honestly, this is obviously not reason numero uno why I don't have a boyfriend but neither do I have an actual list. There are a multitude of reasons why I don't have a romantic partner, otherwise known as a boyfriend, a husband, a lover.
1) I am fat. This is a big sticking point but it seems to me, as I walk the malls in our America, that overweight people are having sex with some regularity, if screaming kids in Wal-Mart are any indication. And! I have recently joined a fat-friendly online dating site. I won't go so far as to say it is fat loving but I have been getting some nibbles, so maybe this entire post, this entire blog, is moot.
2) I am obviously damaged. I mean I have baggage. Like garbage bags in steamer trunks in a semi moving truck kind of baggage. But why should that matter? I'm mostly functional. I own my own house. I'm responsible (when I'm not having an episode). I know of a woman who is a schizophrenic drug addict (recovering). She has a husband who works and takes care of her and, now, their two girls. And it's not as if she doesn't exist. She does. I know her. She's a friend of a friend but, still, I know her. And she has a man. Not that she isn't just lovely, but pa-lease. I'm at least as good as her.
So I am thinking - it is a kind of funny thing - to not have a man. To never have a man, really (because all the time I spent in a non-relationship relationship counts as bupkis if you ask me.)
And I know so many women that are not me, that are beautiful and thin and fun and smart, and they aren't in relationships either. What is going on?
So I am here and I am going to see if I can document why I won't sell myself short, what I will not accept, to hopefully get to what is acceptable and find out what it is I want - and finally, ultimately, get myself some companionship (and god please, some sex).
Let's see what happens, shall we?