Sunday, February 10, 2013


Today I witnessed a young-ish couple having late lunch (or early dinner) at a restaurant. They were just one table over from me.  And the young male, a "cool" type, was on his cell.  And he talked and talked.  Apparently, his "bro" was on the other line.  The young woman, also a "cool" type, just sat there, eating her lunch-dinner. 
I was waiting for my meal and I ate chips.  I got a refill on my iced tea.  My dinner came and their waiter presented their bill.  She put down a card. 
So, to sum up:  He sat there being incredibly rude and she picked up the tab.  And I thought, "This is why I don't have a boyfriend, number 942."
Now, honestly, this is obviously not reason numero uno why I don't have a boyfriend but neither do I have an actual list.  There are a multitude of reasons why I don't have a romantic partner, otherwise known as a boyfriend, a husband, a lover. 
1) I am fat.  This is a big sticking point but it seems to me, as I walk the malls in our America, that overweight people are having sex with some regularity, if screaming kids in Wal-Mart are any indication. And! I have recently joined a fat-friendly online dating site.  I won't go so far as to say it is fat loving but I have been getting some nibbles, so maybe this entire post, this entire blog, is moot.
2) I am obviously damaged.  I mean I have baggage.  Like garbage bags in steamer trunks in a semi moving truck kind of baggage.  But why should that matter?  I'm mostly functional.  I own my own house.  I'm responsible (when I'm not having an episode). I know of a woman who is a schizophrenic drug addict (recovering).  She has a husband who works and takes care of her and, now, their two girls.  And it's not as if she doesn't exist.  She does.  I know her.  She's a friend of a friend but, still, I know her.  And she has a man. Not that she isn't just lovely, but pa-lease.  I'm at least as good as her. 
So I am thinking - it is a kind of funny thing - to not have a man.  To never have a man, really (because all the time I spent in a non-relationship relationship counts as bupkis if you ask me.)
And I know so many women that are not me, that are beautiful and thin and fun and smart, and they aren't in relationships either.  What is going on?
So I am here and I am going to see if I can document why I won't sell myself short, what I will not accept, to hopefully get to what is acceptable and find out what it is I want - and finally, ultimately, get myself some companionship (and god please, some sex).
Let's see what happens, shall we?

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